First off, happy new year!
Secondly: I am, in fact, alive! I know, crazy right?
In case you hadn’t noticed, it’s been a while since I lasted posted here – and that’s an understatement. I haven’t posted on this blog since the end of last January, and at the time I was feeling really inspired with my writing and I had a clear schedule for my posts and I was really having fun with it. But after I ran through my list of blog post ideas… I was done. I didn’t know what else to write about. Even when I had other ideas and started writing drafts, I couldn’t bring myself to finish them. It was like the spark had gone out of me.
It wasn’t until I read this post by Lucy Moon (I’m a big fan of her Youtube channel, which is where I originally found her) that I fully understood why. It was an idea I’d had floating around in my head, but hadn’t been able to fully articulate*,** and that’s the fact that I didn’t – don’t – know who I am and what direction I want this blog to go in.
My struggle with things like this is I feel so pressured to pigeonhole myself into a box and say “this is me, this is all I am”. But I’ve never been able to do that, because that isn’t me. I’m a living, breathing, multi-faceted person. It’s unrealistic of me to expect that I should be able to reduce myself to a sentence that sums me up (this is also why I hate writing bios). Therefore, this extends to my blog as well, since it bears my name and is me on the Internet. I’ve tried in the past to work to a theme but I realised that I can’t, because I’m constantly changing and growing, and so are my interests. The idea of having a blog with my name was that it would be open-ended and I could explore whatever interested me at that moment in time. Instead, I’ve felt even more pressured to fit into a box.
Having realised this, I’ve decided to work on this in 2018. I’m not committing to a schedule at this time (uni is and always will be my main priority at this point in my life) but I won’t hold back from writing posts simply because I haven’t “figured out my niche” yet. Fuck the niche. I’m a person, why should I be marketing myself to a niche? I am a niche, and I’m doing this for me.
Happy New Year.
* I’d like to interject at this point and say this seems to be a running theme in my life, as I’ve recently been noticing and even if you go back to my last blog post, I mention the same experience.
** I put the asterisk before the comma! This seems crazy in my referencing-ruled world but HA, this is my blog and I can do whatever I want, footnoting rules be damned!